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A new day

Today a complete a week at infibeam.But that’s not the point. I always think that i am a night person, but today the entire day feels new. Just because i had a really good night’s sleep, woke up on time, gave all my clothes for cleaning and reached office on time. all of it like clockwork. Without fussing or worrying. did everything at my own pace, and that felt good.

May be i am getting old, and so these small comforts like knowing that i will have an entire wardrobe of clean clothes in a few days are the kind of comfort making a difference in my life, or may be i am getting tired of a single life, always on the watch, so that people don’t rip you off. tired of a feeling of being alone, being quiet most of the times, talking to just one person, that’s me. to come to think of it, i have being doing that since 12 years now. Always on the move, never settling down, never buying anything that won’t fit into a suitcase, never owing things, never getting attached to stuff which i might have to leave behind.

Always eating out of thali. relying on public transport. never being able to invite people to your place, because either it is shared or too Spartan, just made for a single life, a single person. washing your dishes, eating outside food, hell worrying about where to order from, what to eat. eating processed ready to cook food, a chronic dependence on Maggi.Not being able to share food, as its so bad and readily available, that its like offering rags to clothe a suite.

Waking by yourself, sleeping by yourself. Watching movies, reading books to spend time.Always on the move. No, i already wrote that. Being repetitious. Having the same talk with you.

As always the same things are also a kind of strength giving an ability to adapt. Ability to understand all the north Indian languages, as you never know where will you land up next. Not being fussy about food. Not depending on people. Ability to solve any problem by yourself. Quick thinking. Making friends in a snap. 500 people on face book. 1800 contacts in 10 cities. Always finding one person you know in every city. A new city every time. With new geography and quirks. New roads, new places to live in, new co workers, new kind of people, new landmarks, new sky, new news papers, new noises, new air, new birds… a new day.

still thinking if its a Helpless life, or a help-less life.

Testing Windows live writer

well downloaded this awesome tool to blog, and testing if it dows post to my profile or not

innocent until proven guilty

I was reading the newspaper today, and some gal had accused a guy of rape [story here]. But he girl's name had been changed to protect her identity, and the guy's name was quoted correctly.

I wonder that if the girl's name had to be protected so that she doesn't lose face in the society, why was the same hand not extended to the guy. what if tomorrow he is acquitted as happened in this case? Why was protecting his identity not important?

Isn't he innocent until proven guilty? and if there is a chance that he did it, isn't there also a chance that the girl might be lying? shouldn't there be a law or something about it?

who makes these decisions? why is it that a girl by default is correct just because she has accused some one of something? Isn't it just an accusation? But the guys name's splashed around the paper, a kind of punishment even before the trial has begun?

I can write the saddest verses tonight. : Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest verses tonight.

Write, for example, "The night is filled with stars,
twinkling blue, in the distance."

The night wind spins in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest verses tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times beneath the infinite sky.

She loved me, at times I loved her too.
How not to have loved her great still eyes.

I can write the saddest verses tonight.
To think that I don't have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the verse falls onto my soul like dew onto grass.

What difference does it make if my love could not keep her.
The night is full of stars, and she is not with me.

That's all. In the distance, someone sings. In the distance.
My soul is not at peace with having lost her.

As if to bring her closer, my gaze searches for her.
My heart searches for her, and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, of then, now are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, it's true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched for the wind which would touch her ear.

Another's. She will be another's. As before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, it's true, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is not at peace with having lost her.

Though this may be the final sorrow she causes me,
and these the last verses I write for her.

:Pablo Neruda

Dard Tham Jayega

Gham nah kar, gham nah kar

Dard tham jayega
gham na kar, gham na kar
Yaar laut ayengey, dil thehar jayega
gham na kar gham na kar
Zakhm bhar jayega
gham na kar, gham na kar
Din nikal aayega
gham na kar, gham na kar
Abar khul jayega, raat dhal jayegi
gham na kar, gham na kar
Rut badal jayegi
gham na kar, gham na kar

FAIZ Ahmed Faiz

Life is Boring

life's boring and futile.We start of with high hopes, then we bottle it.We realize that we are going to die, without finding out the big answers.We develop all the long winding ideas which just interpret reality of our lives in different ways, without really extending our body of worthwhile knowledge, about big things, the real things.Basically we live a short, disappointing life; and then we die.

[Trainspotting:Irvine Welsh, ISBN:9780749336509 ]

AIK ALIF : Bulleh shah

[Sung by Coke Studio]

Parh parh ilm te faazil hoya
Te kaday apnay aap nu parhya ee na

(You read to become
all knowledgeable
But you never read yourself)



Bhaj bhaj warna ay mandir maseeti
Te kaday mann apnay wich warya ee na

(You run to enter temples and mosques
But you never entered your own heart)



Larna ay roz shaitaan de naal
Te kadi nafs apnay naal larya ee na

(Everyday you fight Satan
But you never fight your own Ego)



Bulleh Shah asmaani ud-deya pharonda ay
Te jera ghar betha unoon pharya ee na

(Bulleh Shah you try grabbing that which is in the sky
But you never get hold of What sits inside you)



Bas kareen o yaar
(Stop it all my friend)



Ilm-oun bas kareen o yaar
Ik Alif teray darkaar

(Stop seeking all this knowledge my friend
Only an Alif is what you need)



Bas kareen o yaar
(Stop it all my friend)


Allah Sayyaan Allah Sayyaan
(God is the Master, God is All)



Nee main jaanaa Jogi de naal

(I shall follow the Yogi {ascetic/sufi})



Jo naa jaane, Haqq ki taaqat
Rabb naa devey us ko Himmat

(Those who deny the Strength of Truth
Lord does not give them courage)



Hum Mann ke darya mein doobey
Kaisi nayya? Kya manjhdhaar?

(We have drowned in the river of Self
the boat and the flowing waters do not matter)



Bas kareen o yaar
(Stop it all my friend)



Ilm-oun bas kareen o yaar
(Stop seeking all this knowledge my friend)



Allah Sayyaan Allah Sayyaan
(God is the Master, God is All)

mata-e-lauh-o-kalam

Matta e lauh o qalam chhin gayi, to kya gham hai
Ke khoon e dil mein dubo li hain ungliyan main ne
Zabaan pe mohr lagi hai to kya, ke rakh di hai
Har ek halqa e zanjeer mein zubaan main ne

[If they snatch my ink and pen,
I should not complain,
For I have dipped my fingers
In the blood of my heart.
I should not complain
Even if they seal my tongue,
For every ring of my chain
Is a tongue ready to speak.]

perfect line

i keep on looking
for the perfect line
which will make it all right
take away all your anger
and make it alright,

bring you back to me
floating on a gentle breeze
which carries the smell
of autumn leaves
and fresh flowers
of wet earth after first rain

may be like an angel
decending from heavens
is how i have seen,
in my dreams a thousand times
for a thousand years,
it seems, for million lifetimes.

or may be like kali
with eyes red with anger,
with one last foot,
ready to crush me,
price which i wait to pay
for one last glimpse
to take all the hurt away

IPL... and why i hate it.

The season of IPL is back again. And its the time of the year, which has started coming too often, when some one will come walking down the corridor, with an ear to ear smile, as if the country was given a seat on UN permanent council.When people will start a chat with me, proclaim a 15 years old kid who just started batting, the new messiah of Indian cricket, and i will be like.. who?? what??.. aahhh.. u.. r talking cricket...

I speak two languages. Hindi and English. I understand majority of the north Indian Languages. But Cricket is not one of the languages that i understand or speak. The entire Language beats me. The enthusiasm Nauseates me.If the game really had anything to do with national pride, i would have understood.But i also failed to understand that how can a being better at hitting a ball with a bat, and being best at it, get my country a seat at the UN council.And anyways, why do it 300 days a year under this garb or that.

I understand that the players are getting paid.the stadium owners are getting paid, the tv networks are getting paid. but why am i supposed to watch it? For national pride? for entertainment value?If the game itself had so much entertainment value, why do they have cheerleaders? ahh... to motivate the players of course... who are so demotivated that they are just getting a few crores, when the price of everything is soaring so high.

Its all phony. and i feel used. My emotions and happiness the product of a few people who are no better than circus performers in their appeal to amuse me with their talent with a bat and a ball.Had it just been the emotional involvement, then too it would have been okay, but somewhere some one is trying to tie this game up with my national pride and my patriotism.And trying to make money out of it. I know this for sure because hero hinda tried to make a cricket out of hockey in front of my own eyes and failed.I know for sure that i am being taken for a ride and so are millions of indians. Because the game is being played for money, but the screams from the stalls are real.and i feel cheated. the toil of these players as false as the love on the silverscreen. But there we have to suspend our disbelief, here we believe everything. we are like kids who really believe that there is a huge wrestler called undertaker who has this really technical move and he is the best wrestler around, when the scripts have already been written.

This wasn't always the way.The game used to be a game played by our opressors. the game of nawabs and the englishmen.I know this because sports in india would be any of the martial arts or the gymnasium[akhara] or the shatranj[chess].I also am sure that if our culture valued sports, there would have been a caste based on it by now.But there is none. Even government never loved it. We made Hockey our national game, because we were supposed to have one, and the only game we were any good was hockey . that too just because of one single man by the name Major Dhyanchand.

Cricket never got any funding during any of the congress rule. neither nehru, nor indira gandhi. even in 1980's the indian team had to find private sponsors to go and play the world cup. And it is this world cup that made people sit up and take notice of the game.Because it was a time, when every national figure we had in our hearts as a hero had lost credibility. Indira after emergency, bachchan after rekha, Sports over all after ASIAD in delhi, this game went ahead and got us a world cup.

The cup in itself was not that impressive, but during the 80's anything with the name 'world' in front of it was good. So I know that there is nothing so attractively inherent in THIS game. People who follow this will tell you all sorts of stories. But the real reason was the world cup. Then came sunil gavaskar and then sachin.The cable had made it in india by that time, and image of sachin batting on TV was one of the first things that people saw.





And i hate the game, because i know that a lot of money has changed people's perceptions and made their heads turn, and lose their memory. a certain pressure on people's part to have the culture of beer and sofa and a match is indeed over powering. Even the game looks a bit like baseball.So we ape the west. Well why not? We already have in so many things. Why not the lifestyle too. work from monday to friday. hit a pub. watch a match. go home.

This wasn't always the way.I too had forgotten where we all come from.May be all of us remember, and so the pressure to get away from it all and grab a new identity is too strong.May be its not the lure of the lifestyle of the west thats so over powering, may be its the pressure to get away from our own identity thats making us into this plastic. where we feel a lot about 1411 tigers left ...overnight.
We talk about it as if we would personally go into the jungle and hug each one of them to protect them if we could. A few million rupees nicely placed.the sad part is that we have become so gullible.

where we feel about the women issues and gender issues, love splitsvilla and watch rahul ka swayamwar.Mocking them in the public of course.Change is inevitable. but change in a few years from the casual follower of the game to die hard fanatic of the game. that is something that reeks of falsehoods and superficiality.A change in belief, so fast tells me of original beliefs which were not thought out, and hence could be turned over easily.

This tells me that a few crore rupees nicely placed can buy opinion. We have lost our capacity to judge things for ourselves. When we do our bit of the thing for the country by shouting hoarse for it in front of the TV, pay our taxes and Proclaim some one who makes 200 runs as God.


Which tells me of unexamined lives. which tells me of people who have stopped thinking. stopped caring. but still a show of care and prosperity is a must. because that is what we want to be. not the country which has one of the lowest literacy rates. where we are fine with bad roads and bribes and poverty. where nothing has worked in 60 years.

When we wait for the next terrorist attacks and look for the appropriate and fashionable response. Candle lighting at monument seems to be the thing of the day. But hundreds of villagers dying of hunger in orissa get no candles.

but again i too am a part of you. I know that 'what can we do" is very apt here. We have done our share and we have voted. After all we too have lives to live.

Very difficult calling this one good. "The difficulty of being Good: Gurcharan Das"

Completed the book Today. Sadly, when i picked up the book, and read the subtitle "subtle art of dharma", i was expecting more.Not some half baked commentary on Mahabharata. Stress here on half baked.Indeed the book was not good, as the name suggests, its difficult , and can't be done the way, author has tried.
The entire book is strewn with words like "perhaps" and "maybe". logical fallacies and repetitions through out the book made me wonder if the book was just supposed to sell after the name of the author"perhaps".

i will give you an example of how the book has tried to make its point.Here the author in below quote is trying to prove that B. Ramalinga Raju of satyam has done whatever he did because of his two sons, like dhritrashtra looked the other way for his son.

So he starts with the premise.he just starts with an assumption.no explanations, just that he felt so.bol font mine.

quote "even as the story was unfolding, it seemed clear to me that the moral failing was not greed as everyone thought. Nor was it duryodhan like hubris, which made raju believe, like investment bankers on wall street, that he was 'Master of Universe'.Was it ,PERHAPS[stress mine],that Raju's stake in satyam had dwindled to 8.6%, and the company was in danger of slipping out of Family's control?Raju has two sons and a sense of filial duty drove him,PERHAPS, to create companies in real estate and infrastructure, two sectors of the Indian economy that had not been reformed, and where politicians insisted on bribes to be paid upfront for the favors delivered."Unquote

Then in the start of his next para, he conveniently forgets that it was only an assumption. all of it, including that he got into the two sectors, right up to the part that the excess money had been given to politicians. No quotations. No references. when the 443 pages book carries approx 25% pages labeled as notesthats close to 100 pages of just bibliography and notes. See how he just goes on, on his assumption in the start of the next para.

quote
"Raju was ruined by his Dhritrashtra-Like weakness for his sons."[page 278.]


Note that there are no interviews in this book. Not even hearsay. Whatever has been quoted has been quoted with appropriate references.And only those lines are the best part, sadly they have not been written by the author, just compiled, and in more instances than not are completely out of context. the general feeling after reading the quote would be, now how was that quote relevant?

Lot of brilliant people's names and lovely quotations are strewn around the book.Completely irrelevant, just thrown in. Also much importance has been given on what the author thinks MIGHT be the reason, without least concern that it can be proved or not. And lots of instances from Mahabharata repeated as often, as i just repeated the above point in two paragraphs, the one about out of context.
Learning from the book, i can safely say, that PERHAPS the author has writing columns for news paper for so long that he can produce such a book overnight, and MAYBE give an impromptu speech of a thousand words on any given subjects. All one needs to do is invoke memories of his or her own upbringing, personal viewpoints unsupported by references of substantiated, and then fill up the gaps with quotes of some religious text.Take up key words, and the Google them for quotes, and where ever some big name pops up, take the quote and paste it anywhere at the end of a sentence. then call up your few friends, and ask them to write a few words. start the book with their opinions, so that the reader thinks twice before blasting the book away.And yeah, don't forget to attract the western crowd with a subtitle .. "the subtle art of dharma"...and don't forget to explain what a sadhu is either.

Hell, i am almost tempted to do a project on ramayana and present it for publishing next month.

Yeah, the book was 700 bucks, and i am damn pissed for i could have bought something useful, and spent my limited time better rather than a confused man's ramblings for commercial praise.

good luck in India

For good luck in India "Break open a coconut in a Church near your home during the time of Maghrib namaaz"

Dilemma and Heroes

Two thoughts..i decided to put down here before i forget. And since you people are the wiser of the lot, please help me understand, as i am lost.


1) every one in this world is equal. But we also have to recognize a person's individuality.So i cannot discriminate on the basis of caste, or race, or color, or any other thing. Now this doesn't mean i act that they are equal, but i have to believe they are equal to be true to myself. I have to understand that each one is born with the same potential, and can achieve anything. I should not judge them.

But some how i also have to believe that there is only one girl who is made for me. I have to differentiate her from the rest of them, and be so blind in love with her, that i cannot appreciate the beauty and intellect and charm of ANY other girl. In Fact she is supposed to be so unique that i decide to look at her face every morning, for the rest of my life.She is better than others. She is beautiful.

I don't grasp that.

2) We didn't remember the pyramids.We had to rediscover them. We didn't remember Harappa.We had to accidentally stumble across the city, while laying railway tracks. We don't remember our ancestors, who came before us or what they did. We are trying to scientifically prove that Jesus was a real man who walked the earth and not a figment of imagination. We want to prove his existence. We haven't been able to. Because we forget things if we don't see the evidence with at least two sensory perceptions.We forget if we don't take down notes.Just like I am doing over here. We forget so badly, that we can't remember anything about it.

So if we Knew of God, say the real deal, some 3000 years ago. Or some one was in touch. Or his appearance to people was commonplace. And so we actually wrote it down, so that we don't forget. What are the actual chances that we would remember him. That too when we try to forget so hard.What if the Renaissance and the entire movement was not to awaken us by questioning the nature and existence of GOD, but actually the start of a deep sleep? When we started trying to forget. When written word was not enough.Mind You. The same written word is enough for us, when we talk of socrates, and aristotle. No body goes out and questions whether they existed or its just written. So what makes us doubt one thing, and not the other. Not rational thinking. Not evidence. Its what we want to believe. Fact that we are so Shit scared, that we can't believe that some one else might be controlling our life. We have yanked the bridle hard, and really taken control. Haven't we? Its an entire population suffering with OCD.

Hmm....after reading what i have written, i started thinking if i am getting spiritual or what.

If you ask me. None of this makes sense. Actually None of it ever will.They are just our doll houses and play things to keep us occupied. We are not special nor this race grand. Our existence can closely be described as the slime covering earth. Like fungus. we can only exist in that thickness. Even fungus can naturally exist in more places. Talk about survival instinct. Tomorrow if there was a meteor shower, all this technology will be dust in seconds, we won't even survive that. Do you think if 50,000 of us survived, we will be able to land a man on the moon? trust me, will will first write a long account of what was, and then start from scratch, right from the stone age. And by the time they land a man on the moon, our story will be just mythology. Like Ulysses and Achilles and Hercules and Atlas.

Our knowledge is not distributed evenly enough. Most of Us are drones, managing things. They hey day of our career is how many people we manage. Not what we invented and created. No sir, we will choose commerce. We chose to feel. We choose hedonism. We just want to be happy, not strong.
We have started behaving like bees, trying to find strength in numbers. Days of the Heroes are gone.We are the american Idol People. we have a singing 11 year old girl as our Idol. Scientists are Geeks to be shunned and made fun of. Our hero is the 6 feet 11 hunk of meat, more of a bull than a man called the Undertaker. If i have missed anything from our recent history, its people who were common place 100 or 200 years ago.I say common place, because the amount of grey matter that existed 100 years ago as a ratio with population, we should have been living on mars by now. A time when people like chomsky were common place, atleast one in a city. tell me 5 people of today who you know as intellectuals. Not because they came on TV. But because they did something that changed our life. No Sir.

Nothing...will...has...mattered.Ever

this is a line of thought that i have been chewing on for a couple of months now. No. It didn't come out from Metallica. I am not saying nothing 'else' matters. I am just saying, 'Nothing' Matters.

It happened over a discussion with one of my friends. At a Pub.When we started discussing religion. What it was. Where it came from.Is there a God. Is there a plan. Is there heaven. Is there hell. You know the Sh**. You have thought of it. You have thought over it.If not with friends, then may be in the comfort of your own solitude. After all we wouldn't want any unnecessary pain. will we. All the scary stories about Boiling pots of oil, and the Inferno's seven levels.Well you became sure. I didn't. Either you said, "its a bunch of ghost stories" and moved ahead, or you said, well "what needs to be done, will be done, and i will face the consequence, when the time comes", and kept on doing what you were doing. Or may be better still, if you were smart enough, you just interpreted the stories the right way, to suite you. Or may be went into the market place, and bought yourself a nicer book. With better and more accommodating stories.

Because that's what they are. Isn't it. Story book for adults. A book of morals and ethics and codes to be followed with an "If Then Else" statement.Some books for beginners, so everything laid out in plain view, with bullet points, closed interpretation. Some for a little advanced users, molded into stories, or written in a forgotten language, open to interpretation.A little flexible. Now we won't want to scare them Intellectuals away. Will we?

But in sum total, a book of cause and effect. Actions and consequences. Punishment and rewards. And i sit up. Wasn't that science? No sir, It wasn't.The books said "Every Action with have a Reaction"...Science came out with "Every Action Will Have an equal and Opposite Reaction".

So you mean to say that science said the exact opposite?
Sir, You are not paying attention. Science was a half truth. The books said, the action can be Pro or Anti . Science just took one half. And then Science went ahead and made it into a philosophy, against the book.

It was almost as it said."The book! Whatever you do, will have an equal and opposite reaction, from Us"

Have you read research papers. Them. The famous Ones. That changed History and stuff?
You know why they became famous? because they challenged the existing norms. Now we do like a good fight, don't we. A good fight in the ring. Be it Physical or Metaphysical. Oh, How we support the underdog. If the underdog is all small, help less and innocent?
And that is how all the research papers start. The good ones.By Proving that how the research paper in Vogue, isn't complete, how there was more scope for research, how So many questions were unanswered and how the new model will work.

Now this wasn't science. It was the book, that taught science, how to research, and stand up on its legs. It was the book that gave science the noble cause of "the Ultimate truth"

So First came the initial research paper. It blasted the Old book.
"An eye for an eye"? what are we talking about. that's crap. Listen to the new version "Turn the other cheek".This became a rage. As well as we had a Martyr. Now that's difficult to beat.

So science came up with "earth around sun" and Galileo and Bruno. score 1-1.
We have a foot hold laddie. We will have this religion, but we won't call it religion. we will have its priests and books. but we won't call them priests. That way, it won't be so difficult to establish and really difficult to shoot down.

But what would we do? we will have this religion, that will say, we will have no religion. And try to bring the entire universe and the understanding to things that can be seen. And we will say, that it doesn't have a place for God, Ghosts, Goblins, El Dorados and other things, as they cannot be seen. We will just Classify them under Mythology, and Shelve them from the Non-Fiction side, to the Fiction-Side of our Bookstore.

And yeah. We won't have one book. That would be too easy to shoot down. So we will have Distributed Nodes. Just like the Internet. So if One book falls from grace, we will not go down. And we will replace it with a better version.

So if we have a book called philosophy, which starts coming under heavy fire, and we start losing priests. We will break the book down in volumes, and distribute it. We will start calling it Mathematics and Science. Survival will be the key. The enemy Forces are too Great. So we will fight Guerrilla for some time. And when the forces have weakened, then we will take over the throne, ad start behaving like they used to do.

So we will then First of all, control, what was their Downfall. Research. Yes sir. We don't want any one else coming up with something that proves us wrong, and, if there is something that can pierce our Armour, then we should be the first ones to know.

So we will Make Hadron Colliders, Space probes, and other things that will be an extension of our senses and make the research classified, or only share it with other high priests.Don't look so surprised. Haven't yous seen Vatican?

But what will be our Manifest?
You really don't seem to get it. Do you? our manifest is power. You know since ancient times, the power was in arms and legs. So the biggest fighter was the Chief. Because he was the one who could defeat any one in the village. Then as we grew and started getting organized into bigger groups, our power shifter to people who could scare the bigger groups. That's when the books came in to play. The Power came into the hands of People with the book.
But you know because there was a book, too many people learned to know how to read and write. Big mistake by the priests. The first Scientific Thought. The priests thought, that if the people could SEE for Themselves, they will be more submissive. But what happened was that more and more people started to use the fact to give their Ideas a Longer Life.

So now people didn't just die and take their Ideas with them. Just like Prometheus stole the fire from the gods. Science stole the fire from the Book. The gift of Immortality through writing.

So now, the power came to people who could live for ever. Not the fighters, or the Priest. The fighter would take his power when he dies. The priests uses the power of the book, which is immortal. But the real immortal is the thinker. The one who can think of Ideas. And find a way to sell them, and make them survive. They were our forefathers who brought down the book to ruins.And assumed power.

Krishnamurty

A very disturbing thing happened. I was listening to a few songs, and i saw that mahesh bhatt had directed some really good movies. So i went on to read on him. I found he was a follower of U.G. Krishnamurty.

Now some years ago, i had undertaken a long barefoot religious journey with few of my friends from onkareshwar to ujjain. In midst there was a new road being constructed, on which few of us badly burnt our foot and left the journey midway. But i didn't come out of the trip Un-enlightened. By chance one of my friend's Uncle lived in Onkareshwar, and there, he had a book by jiddu Krishnamurty, which i happened to chance upon. I read it for an hour or so, and couldn't continue. One reason was that i was reading it by the light of a dim oil lamp, and the other being, that whatever the man had written up to that point on death was already soemthing i firmly believed in. Since i didn't know who he was or anything, i just let it slip, that it must be one of those low level thinkers. Because if you find your own thoughts materialized in some book, you definitely won't hold that author in such a high esteem, while at the same time you would feel a little sense of pride that the thought exists, and you arrived on it independently, and there is a book on it and stuff. But anyways, i closed the book, called "on death", and forgot about him.
But since i am into books i remembered the name krishnamurty.

Mu second attempt at the man was when i was travelling by train from somewhere to somewhere. I boorowed it from some one just to check if that was a fluke, or is it really that i think the same. And guess what, it was the same and a little more. My admiration grew. I can't think of a single reason that why have i not read any of his works. No reason, but thats how it stands. Its as if i want to see if after i have a consistent complete thought, then i will check if i match his thought. Now i know how big he was. But then once a thought formed, i let it remain.

Continuing from above, so when i read of this other Krishnamurty, i was curious, that who was he and was he related to Jiddu or something.

I ended up reading summary on Jiddu and UG and ramanna Maharshi from Wikipedia.

Something is happening. The problem is what they are saying, i COMPLETELY understand. I am not supposed to. Part of it is already with me. I have discovered it on my own. The disturbing thing is, i want to find out more. I don't think the road leads to some where traditional where my parents except me to end up. But the feeling was so profound, i was close to tears. It was as if i didn't have the words, but i wanted to say the same things, for so long, i wanted to cry out...." I know"....and in this agitated and emotional state i write this note.

My mind tells me that this isn't done. This isn't normal. either its something very profound and life changing or i am on my way to become one crazy guy.

I hope this passes...I hope this was just temporary......but Once i know that others have known what i thought was my own twisted mind...my own inner beliefs...my mechanism of understanding the world...i am not too sure.

Ajiib Rang mey Ab key Bahaar Guzrii hai

tum aaye ho na shab-e-intazaar guzarii hai
talaash men hai sahar baar baar guzarii hai

junuun men jitanii bhii guzarii bakaar guzarii hai
agarche dil pe kharaabii hazaar guzarii hai

huii hai hazarat-e-naaseh se guftaguu jis shab
vo shab zaruur sar-e-kuu-e-yaar guzarii hai

[sar-e-kuu-e-yaar = in the street of the beloved]

vo baat saare fasaane men jisakaa zikr na thaa
vo baat un ko bahut naa-gavaar guzarii hai

na gul khile hain na un se mile na mai pii hai
ajiib rang men ab ke bahaar guzarii hai

chaman men Gaarat-e-gul-chiin se jaane kyaa guzarii
qafas se aaj sabaa beqaraar guzarii hai

[Gaarat-e-gul-chiin = plunder or destruction wrought by flower-picker(gardener)]
[qafas = cage]

:Faiz Ahmed Faiz

Thales and Olives

Bertrand Russel Quoting Aristotle on Thales in his "History of Western Philosophy"

There are many legends about him, but i do not think more is known than the few facts I have mentioned.Some of the stories are pleasant, for instance, the one told by Aristotle in his
politics(1259a):

"He was reproached for his poverty, which was supposed to show that
philosophy is of no use. According to the story, he knew by his skill in the stars while it was yet winter that there would be a great harvest of olives in the coming year; so, having a little money, he gave deposits for the use of all the olive-presses in Chios and Miletus, which he hired at a low price because no one bid against him. When the harvest time came, and many were wanted all at once and of a sudden, he let them out at any rate which he pleased, and made a quantity of money. Thus he showed the world that philosophers can easily be rich if they like, but their ambition is of another sort."

Narcissus and nietzche

there was a time when
He had time to look deep into the abyss
and the abyss used to gaze back at him
when narcissus was young
and love was full of possibilities
when he was immortal,
and the world was big,
when people were different,
and din't expect out of him

Its a myth that he was cursed
his mind was fairly intelligent
he could go long on a philosophical journey
and the chap was considered brilliant.

Once he went in to such a trance 
thinking on the way of the world,
trying to understand it, crack it
thoughts in the abyss twirled.

the thought turned upon himself
as he realized,
that how we see this world 
is just within our eyes
T'is just a reflection of a reflection
on the mirror of the mind,
which shows it through a hinted tint
if you hate it or are kind

poor chap got this thought
when he was having a drink
gazing at his image in the water
he began to think
It all starts with me,
It all ends here
Its me causing the ripples
The water is pretty clear
he kept trying to remove the stain
in which his mind colored the world

His persiverance knew no bounds
as time passed and his end was near.
then too he kept on working at it,
but he was hades' dear,
the God took him across the Styx
his sould trapped in a cage.
The abyss twirled undeciphered
getting deeper with rage

The people of old realized it
and tried to shun the thought
nothing good comes of introspection
was the message passed on

since then Narcissus, is known as is today
The poor man's misery 
never to happen again.
was locked in lies and drowned in deceit
so that no one should gain

Nietzsche stumbled on the thought
on his journey through
then his way was different
so the abyss still gazes back at you

superior no

A no is superior than a yes.
a yes multiplied by a no is no.

A zero multiplied by a one is zero,
but the same zero when dividing a one, makes it infinite.

there is a one, but in that one is a zero, added to it, multiplied to it, subtracted from it, but not divided from it.

it has been before one, it will be after one and all its multiples are gone
a zero is the grounded number,
whose existence lies in destruction of other numbers.
and even when other numbers live, zero hides in it, until they are destroyed.

you can't see a zero, you can't decimate a zero,
you can simply hide it,

a single zero is as strong as infinite zeros added subtracted or multiplied,
its strong when alone, as when its with its clones

but zero isn't completely zero, because it can create things which it is not.
it is a number but when divided by a zero, creates not a number, but something else.

every one uses it to describe the never ending cycle of karma.

where else is a number that suggests nothing, remains in everything, can create infinite or something that its not.

you can't cut a zero and make it two, you can't burn a zero, you can't dry a zero, you can't kill a zero
you can't wet a zero. and thats the truth. because zero is superior to a one. A no is superior to a yes


last i heard of these qualities, man's soul was being described.

"Nainam chhindanti shastraani, nainam dahati paavakah,
Na cha enam kledayanti aapah, na shoshayati maarutah".

Na=not, Enam=this (Soul or Self), Chhindanti=to cut,
Shastraani=by weapons, Na=not, Enam=this, Dahati=burns,
Paavakah=by fire, Na=not, Cha=and (even), Enam=this,
Kledayanti=wet, Aapah=(by) water, Na=not, Shoshayati=dries,
Marutah=air (wind).

'Enam' refers to the Soul within the body (the embodied soul).