Right now finished tom cruise movie, "Vanilla Sky" based on the spanish movie "open your eyes". Honestly saying, i couldn't understand the movie. whatever i did understand has made me think, Infact not just the movie but also the psychology class today. We were talking about in the psychology class, about how there is actually no past and no memory. The concept of a static memory is a fallacy, and we reconstruct the past. We then test it, based on reason, logic, possibility and other things.
In the movie, one is never sure if the hero was awake or dreaming. When did his dream break, and reality start. When does our dream break and reality start. What if this is a Matrix? How absurd.....Isn't it? Too much influenced by the movies? Losing sanity? Well as i alway say, a good fiction is always a story that could have ben true. The biggest impacting stories are not fables which aren't possible, but biggest impacting stories are what people tell. Because they are based in reality. So you may definitely not believe a novel, even an autobiography. But you will believ the harmless little reconstructions that people tell. And boy, you should have been in todays class on social memory. Will i ever be able to confidently say that this is the truth? Well i will have to start saying that this is my reconstruction of the truth.
Am i losing it? Am i going crazy? I donot know. But i have started asking questions that people are not interested in, and as far as possible, i try to move ahead on a stream of thought, checking and double cheking the holes, and the possibilities of faliure. But my obsession is now making me nervous. I cannot seem to have a normal and non sarcastic conversation any more. I have been feeling indifferent and sad...well not sad....but not happy even.
Clearly my self evaluation has gotten in to negative and i have a very poor self image as a result. I am avoiding people, Eating less. Have i gone into depression? Well any psychology book will tell me that based on symptoms, i have.
But still i am not willing to give up. Because all of a sudden i seem to have found a very good way to explain my unhappiness.
My situation right now is of a person who has come out of a dream, while people around him are still sleeping and dreaming. And after waking up, i have started shouting, that is disturbing people's sleep.
May be i wasn't sleeping, i was just too engrossed into whatever i was doing, and so while i was sleeping, or engrossed, some body came into my country and took away everything(almost) that i had.
They took away a word called "character" from people, Pride as a sin was abolished, beer became a soft drink, and softdrink became water. Girls did away with clothes, and guys did away with loyalty. Being cool became a way of life, good looks became important. Hanuman became "just a monkey god", and people forgot if ram and sita were in mahabharat or ramayan.
Who did this i donot know, but all i know is that to know became a sin. To ask became treason. People adapted to all this very casually, and i am still having problems, may be its just a hangover. So sex became o.k. in friendship, and a serial about 6 people's sex lives and live in relationship became people's favourate.
The problem is not that people have started accepting these things and trying to follow an alien philosophy. In case you were thinking, yeah, every way of life is a philosophical approach. The problem is that people have stopped resisting this culture. Gone are the days when women and gandhians used to stage "dharna" in front of bars. The women have entered the bar, just to prove that they are equal and have an equal right to drink. The people who were following gandhi got lost some where and started asking more foriegn companies to come and open up breweries in india and called it FDI(foreign direct investment)
And then again i look at people and their happy faces. They are so happy. And they are so mad at me. Because they donot even realize that whats changing. Whats being taken away. Is there anything we are losing, in their opinion "no". How does it matter if we are drinking coke and not water. Who cares. Even fifty years ago we didn't even exist. Isn't it? Its okay to make mistakes...Isn't it? even if you can keep your eyes open and mind working and avoid such mistakes completely. But who cares. Donot think too much they say, Because how does it matter.
Today you kick a man, on the roadside and every one will scurry away, without even looking you in the eye. Try that with a dog, angry stares will haunt you till your dying day.Is it right to kick a dog? who knows? What is right and what is wrong? Who knows. I had the notion that whatever majority thinks is construed as right. All of a sudden i wake up to find that opinions and beliefs that i hold have become a minority. people here donot care about people, they care about dogs. And neeti, and geetika......i will remember you for the treatment that you give out to dogs. Which has given me so much to think. And i will never forget the birthday parties when the remainder of the cake was given to the director' dog but not to the gate keeper.
Ofcourse, so silly of me. Men are intelligent and can take care of themselves. But the dog is stupid, isn't it? God sent it to earth, making him unable to defend himself, or find food for itself and its the duty of a man to help the poor souls out. Isn't it. All i know is that for you people out there, one day the dog, on one day, became from a creature eating shit and garbage, rummaging it through with its mouth and paws to a furry teddy bear who doesn't needs cells and clockwork to wind and unwind. So cool.
Today i am really pissed off. Pissed off at so many reasons that i can't really write it over here. Because right now i can write a complete book over it and be called a cynic. Why not. I have every reason to be bitter. Once there was a time , and i know it for sure, that people used to look the way i look. When elders were respected and kids loved. when people really loved each other and used to really spend life together, not just co-exist under one roof as an arrangement.
But when i was sleeping, it all changed. So right now in effect i am mad at the world, or is it that i am mad??? I am talking of a time when people used to be poor, and ignorant, and uneducated and powerless and unequal.When dogs were not men, but men were dogs. When girls were not equal to men. Looks like we covered a lot of ground. Haven't we. So much good things have happened. people donot die of hunger and every one has more to spend and waste, but what has it actually brought us? what did we lose to gain it? almost everything.
The price has been great. The biggest price being not even knowing that we have lost something. Right now you won't realize. Because these things take time to affect people. You need time to think over it, time which you donot have because you are too engrossed in this rat race. Trying to outrun everybody. Or may be you grew up chewing sitcoms like "friends" and movies like "ddlj" as your tutors on what to wear, how to interact, and how to speak. or may be you just need to grow older, when you can't get a guy/gal and then will notice the change that has happened, because you would have been out run by the next generation. Will you always be young? nah i donot think so...hasn't happened in a million years.
When i was sleeping, all these things, in unison came and fed you a pop culture. A culture where you donot wear clothes to hide your nakedness, but to follow fashion and to reveal and to show off. How hypocritical are you? You won't pinch out a penny to beggar in private, but you will write a check of one lakh when your donation is to be written on the wall. You won't pay taxes, but spend that money casually in throwing a party.
SO LOST.........or is it just me who is missing out a point?????? well in case i have stirred an increasingly rare thing nowdays, even rarer than " character", called conscience, then you can always label me as a "psycho" or a "frustrated" and feel nice about it.
And i guess its time for me to go back to sleep again....but i will always be wondering "where was I??".........................
Godspeed
In the movie, one is never sure if the hero was awake or dreaming. When did his dream break, and reality start. When does our dream break and reality start. What if this is a Matrix? How absurd.....Isn't it? Too much influenced by the movies? Losing sanity? Well as i alway say, a good fiction is always a story that could have ben true. The biggest impacting stories are not fables which aren't possible, but biggest impacting stories are what people tell. Because they are based in reality. So you may definitely not believe a novel, even an autobiography. But you will believ the harmless little reconstructions that people tell. And boy, you should have been in todays class on social memory. Will i ever be able to confidently say that this is the truth? Well i will have to start saying that this is my reconstruction of the truth.
Am i losing it? Am i going crazy? I donot know. But i have started asking questions that people are not interested in, and as far as possible, i try to move ahead on a stream of thought, checking and double cheking the holes, and the possibilities of faliure. But my obsession is now making me nervous. I cannot seem to have a normal and non sarcastic conversation any more. I have been feeling indifferent and sad...well not sad....but not happy even.
Clearly my self evaluation has gotten in to negative and i have a very poor self image as a result. I am avoiding people, Eating less. Have i gone into depression? Well any psychology book will tell me that based on symptoms, i have.
But still i am not willing to give up. Because all of a sudden i seem to have found a very good way to explain my unhappiness.
My situation right now is of a person who has come out of a dream, while people around him are still sleeping and dreaming. And after waking up, i have started shouting, that is disturbing people's sleep.
May be i wasn't sleeping, i was just too engrossed into whatever i was doing, and so while i was sleeping, or engrossed, some body came into my country and took away everything(almost) that i had.
They took away a word called "character" from people, Pride as a sin was abolished, beer became a soft drink, and softdrink became water. Girls did away with clothes, and guys did away with loyalty. Being cool became a way of life, good looks became important. Hanuman became "just a monkey god", and people forgot if ram and sita were in mahabharat or ramayan.
Who did this i donot know, but all i know is that to know became a sin. To ask became treason. People adapted to all this very casually, and i am still having problems, may be its just a hangover. So sex became o.k. in friendship, and a serial about 6 people's sex lives and live in relationship became people's favourate.
The problem is not that people have started accepting these things and trying to follow an alien philosophy. In case you were thinking, yeah, every way of life is a philosophical approach. The problem is that people have stopped resisting this culture. Gone are the days when women and gandhians used to stage "dharna" in front of bars. The women have entered the bar, just to prove that they are equal and have an equal right to drink. The people who were following gandhi got lost some where and started asking more foriegn companies to come and open up breweries in india and called it FDI(foreign direct investment)
And then again i look at people and their happy faces. They are so happy. And they are so mad at me. Because they donot even realize that whats changing. Whats being taken away. Is there anything we are losing, in their opinion "no". How does it matter if we are drinking coke and not water. Who cares. Even fifty years ago we didn't even exist. Isn't it? Its okay to make mistakes...Isn't it? even if you can keep your eyes open and mind working and avoid such mistakes completely. But who cares. Donot think too much they say, Because how does it matter.
Today you kick a man, on the roadside and every one will scurry away, without even looking you in the eye. Try that with a dog, angry stares will haunt you till your dying day.Is it right to kick a dog? who knows? What is right and what is wrong? Who knows. I had the notion that whatever majority thinks is construed as right. All of a sudden i wake up to find that opinions and beliefs that i hold have become a minority. people here donot care about people, they care about dogs. And neeti, and geetika......i will remember you for the treatment that you give out to dogs. Which has given me so much to think. And i will never forget the birthday parties when the remainder of the cake was given to the director' dog but not to the gate keeper.
Ofcourse, so silly of me. Men are intelligent and can take care of themselves. But the dog is stupid, isn't it? God sent it to earth, making him unable to defend himself, or find food for itself and its the duty of a man to help the poor souls out. Isn't it. All i know is that for you people out there, one day the dog, on one day, became from a creature eating shit and garbage, rummaging it through with its mouth and paws to a furry teddy bear who doesn't needs cells and clockwork to wind and unwind. So cool.
Today i am really pissed off. Pissed off at so many reasons that i can't really write it over here. Because right now i can write a complete book over it and be called a cynic. Why not. I have every reason to be bitter. Once there was a time , and i know it for sure, that people used to look the way i look. When elders were respected and kids loved. when people really loved each other and used to really spend life together, not just co-exist under one roof as an arrangement.
But when i was sleeping, it all changed. So right now in effect i am mad at the world, or is it that i am mad??? I am talking of a time when people used to be poor, and ignorant, and uneducated and powerless and unequal.When dogs were not men, but men were dogs. When girls were not equal to men. Looks like we covered a lot of ground. Haven't we. So much good things have happened. people donot die of hunger and every one has more to spend and waste, but what has it actually brought us? what did we lose to gain it? almost everything.
The price has been great. The biggest price being not even knowing that we have lost something. Right now you won't realize. Because these things take time to affect people. You need time to think over it, time which you donot have because you are too engrossed in this rat race. Trying to outrun everybody. Or may be you grew up chewing sitcoms like "friends" and movies like "ddlj" as your tutors on what to wear, how to interact, and how to speak. or may be you just need to grow older, when you can't get a guy/gal and then will notice the change that has happened, because you would have been out run by the next generation. Will you always be young? nah i donot think so...hasn't happened in a million years.
When i was sleeping, all these things, in unison came and fed you a pop culture. A culture where you donot wear clothes to hide your nakedness, but to follow fashion and to reveal and to show off. How hypocritical are you? You won't pinch out a penny to beggar in private, but you will write a check of one lakh when your donation is to be written on the wall. You won't pay taxes, but spend that money casually in throwing a party.
SO LOST.........or is it just me who is missing out a point?????? well in case i have stirred an increasingly rare thing nowdays, even rarer than " character", called conscience, then you can always label me as a "psycho" or a "frustrated" and feel nice about it.
And i guess its time for me to go back to sleep again....but i will always be wondering "where was I??".........................
Godspeed
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